

"So, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together let man not separate." 

- Matthew 19:6

<p>Welcome the <strong>Two to One New Mentor Training!</strong> We are so thankful you have chosen to invest in the future marriages of our church by becoming a mentor couple. As Andy Stanley explains in his message "The Power of Mentoring" we each have a treasure chest full of life experiences that will die with us unless we become intentional about distributing our wealth. The value of our life is found when we share those experiences. We are excited for you to share your wealth of marriage experience with each Two to One couple that you mentor.&nbsp;</p>

The Power of Mentoring by Andy Stanley

<h3>&nbsp;A mentor is a role model.</h3><p>The fact that you are beginning this training means our church staff has recognized your marriage as one that's full of love and respect. This doesn't mean you are perfect; it simply means you have some years of marriage experience behind you and have proven to be a couple worth following. Your marriage will be a model for your Two to One couples. Many of them have not witnessed a healthy, Christ-centered marriage. Thank you for demonstrating that for them!</p>

What is important for you as a mentor couple to model for your engaged couple?

<h3>A mentor is a coach.</h3><p>A coach is someone who instructs athletes and directs team strategy. As a mentor couple, you will instruct engaged couples on best practices and help them develop strategies for implementing these practices. While some of these strategies may seem basic and common-sense to you, remember that a breakdown in fundamentals can be extremely destructive to even the most accomplished professional athletes. Ensuring that couples learn these basics will set them up for long-term success.</p><p>1. Teach the fundamentals. The curriculum will provide content and exercises about the fundamentals of a healthy marriage, such as being assertive, practicing active listening, resolving conflict, nurturing spiritual development, budgeting, and others.</p><p>2. Encourage couples to continue what they are doing well.</p><p>3. Challenge them in areas where growth is required.</p>

In coaching Two to One couples, what do you foresee being your greatest challenge?

Session One: What's a Mentor? (50 min)

<p>We believe effective mentor couples need four key skills. Just because a couple has a great marriage doesn't mean they'll be great at mentoring. Developing these skills is essential to creating influence as a mentor couple.&nbsp;</p><ol><li><p>Build rapport.</p></li><li><p>Ask good questions.</p></li><li><p>Be authentic.</p></li><li><p>Empathize.</p></li></ol><h3>Skill 1: Build Rapport.</h3><p>With some couples you mentor, the chemistry will come easily. With others, you’ll have to work at it, and you may not ever connect in the way that you'd like. That’s okay. You can build rapport with all types of couples, and it's important to do this early in the relationship. It helps you build equity so you can have influence.&nbsp;</p><p><strong>Here are some tips for building rapport with your engaged couple:</strong></p><p>• Make your home warm and inviting.</p><p>• Find common ground with your couple.</p><p>• Be curious and show that you are interested in them (rather than trying to teach/lecture).</p><p>• Be prepared and fully engaged.&nbsp;</p><p>• Keep your conversations confidential.</p>

Share a time when someone built rapport with you. How did that make you feel?

<h3>Quote from Two to One couple</h3><p>"You made us feel so warm and welcome in your home. There were a few topics that were difficult to reveal, but you never judged. You always treated us with so much respect and kindness." - Blake and Kristen</p>

<h3>Skill 2: Ask Good Questions</h3><p>Asking good, meaningful questions is an essential skill in building an effective mentoring relationship. Questions help mentors better understand what the engaged couple needs and where to direct the conversation. Watch the video below on asking good questions and answer the following questions.</p>

Review the level 1, 2, and 3 questions described in the video. Which are the easiest for you to ask? Which are the hardest? Why?

Mentoring Scenario:

You have been meeting with a young couple, John and Courtney, who really seem to have their act together.  However, you have noticed some tension when they talk about the relationship between Courtney and her mom.  It seems mom is involved in almost every decision Courtney makes – and not just about wedding details.  In fact, there have been instances where John feels that mom has more influence with Courtney than he does, and has said so.  Courtney clearly values her mom’s opinion, and the mom clearly enjoys being a part of her daughter’s life, having raised her as a single mom.  John is concerned about the closeness of their relationship, but when they’ve discussed it previously Courtney has always assured him that it won’t be a problem once they’re married, that her mom will understand it can’t be the same.  But until then, John needs to accept that this is the way Courtney and her mom’s relationship has always been.  One of them asks, “Who’s right?”

What would you do? How would you respond in the following scenario? What role might asking questions play in your response?

<h3>Quote from Two to One couple</h3><p>“Even though we had been in a relationship for several years, many of the topics covered in the program were ones we had never discussed before. You gave us a safe environment to discuss these topics, and with your guidance, they were usually not nearly as uncomfortable as we originally expected!"- Emily and Ryan</p>

<h3>Skill 3: Be Authentic.</h3><p>Share stories about your marriage that are appropriately transparent and vulnerable. The couple needs to know you didn’t get it all right. This will give them hope when they hit bumps in their marriage. And it will pave the way for harder discussions when you might need to challenge them.</p><p><strong>A few points to remember about sharing stories:</strong></p><ol><li><p>Make sure your stories are helpful, relevant, and appropriate.</p></li><li><p>Be mindful of how long you are talking. Your couple will enjoy listening to engaging stories, but it's important to make your point and then let them share.</p></li><li><p>Tell your story together so the couple can see both sides.&nbsp;</p></li></ol>

<h3>Quote from Two to One couple</h3><p>“Never stop showing vulnerability to your couples. That above all else built trust with us and allowed us to feel comfortable opening up to you.” - Shawn and Kim</p>

Briefly describe two stories from your marriage that may be helpful to share with an engaged couple. 

<h3>Skill 4: Empathize.</h3><p><strong>Create connection by showing empathy.</strong></p><ol><li><p>Make your home a safe place where the couple can feel comfortable sharing their challenges in a confidential environment without feeling judged. Remember that they are nervous and are seeking your approval.</p></li><li><p>Open your heart as you listen to their challenges to the point where you are able to feel and reflect what they are feeling. Is there a similar challenge in your own life that could help you relate to the emotions that they are feeling?</p></li><li><p>Take the time to understand their perspective to the point where you are able to see what they are seeing. Ask yourself what it would be like to be in their situation, experiencing what they are experiencing.</p></li><li><p>Resist the urge to focus on fixing the problem. Try to provide insight and guide the couple through the process of exploring the problem and potential solutions together. This helps them to create a model they can use to work toward a solution and it will enhance their relationship in the process.</p></li></ol><p>In the following video, Brene Brown illustrates how to build connection through empathy.</p>

 Brené Brown on Empathy - 3 min

Put yourselves in the shoes of your couple as they meet you for the first time. What might they be concerned about? How can you alleviate those concerns?

Session Two: Mentor Skills (45 min)

Expectations for Mentors (Audio Only)

<h3>We want mentors to:</h3><ul><li><p><strong>Equip </strong>their engaged couples with tools for a successful marriage using the Two to One curriculum.</p></li><li><p><strong>Facilitate </strong>discussion of the couple’s strength and growth areas using the Prepare-Enrich Inventory.</p></li><li><p><strong>Encourage </strong>the couple to take a step of faith.</p></li><li><p><strong>Challenge </strong>the couple toward purity.</p></li><li><p><strong>Stay connected</strong> to the church staff by attending leader development events throughout the year.</p></li></ul>

How would you explain the difference Christ makes in your marriage?

If you were mentoring a Christian couple that was sleeping together, how would you challenge them to exercise discipline with sexual activity until they got married? 

Session Three: Expectations (30 min)

<h3>Two to One Questionnaire</h3><p>Every engaged couple will complete a Two to One questionnaire that you will receive when you are matched with the couple. This is an excellent tool to help you get to know your couple. Couples are surprisingly transparent when they fill out these questionnaires. There will be times when a person will share something in their questionnaire that they might not have shared with their future spouse yet. Please keep this information confidential and use it to help assess the couple's needs.&nbsp;</p>

Groom's Questionnaire

<h5>Please read Kevin's questionnaire and answer the questions that follow.</h5><h5><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://diamondtreetraining.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/attachment/file/2711/Kevin_Notreal.pdf">Kevin's Questionnaire</a></h5>

What are some areas of concern that Kevin expressed in his questionnaire?

What other observations stand out to you about Kevin?

Bride's Questionnaire

<h6>Please read Kim's questionnaire and answer the questions that follow.</h6><h6><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://diamondtreetraining.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/attachment/file/2750/Kim_Not_Real.pdf">Kim's Questionnaire PDF</a></h6>

What are some areas of concern that Kim expressed in her questionnaire?

What other observations stand out to you about Kim?

Session Four: A Sample Couple (30 min)

Instructions

<p>During Session Five, you will need to click on the podcast and then click on the "Prepare Report" pages so you can look at the document while listening to the training.</p>

Prepare - Section 1 (Audio Only)

<h3><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://diamondtreetraining.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/attachment/file/242/Prepare_Section_One.pdf"><strong>Prepare Report pages 1-3</strong></a></h3>

What areas on the Background Information page stand out as possible areas of concern for Kevin and Kim?

Prepare - Section 2 (Audio Only)

<h3><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://diamondtreetraining.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/attachment/file/245/P2.pdf">Prepare Report pages 4-6</a></h3>

Read through the Relationship Dynamics page and write down anything that might be a concern to you in the categories of Self Confidence, Avoidance or Partner Dominance and why.

Prepare - Section 3 (Audio Only)

<h3><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://diamondtreetraining.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/attachment/file/246/P3.pdf">Prepare Report pages 7-8</a></h3>

Based on the information in these three sections, what are two questions that you would ask this couple in a mentoring session?

Prepare - Section 4 (Audio Only)

<h3><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://diamondtreetraining.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/attachment/file/247/P4.pdf">Prepare Report pages 9-11</a></h3>

Session Five: Prepare-Enrich Inventory (60 min)

<h4>Do couples have to be engaged to go through Two to One?</h4><p>Yes. This program is specifically designed for engaged couples.</p><h4>Do couples have to attend a North Point Ministries church?</h4><p>We are excited to be able to offer this program to any engaged couple in the Atlanta area.</p><h4>What if couples don’t have six months until their wedding date?</h4><p>If there is not a long wait list, we might be able to match couples with less than six months until their wedding date. Each campus will evaluate their wait list on a case-by-case basis. If a couple has less than four months until their wedding, we recommend contacting one of the professional counselors in our network. They can fill out this form for a personalized referral: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://counselingreferrals.org/">Request Counseling Referral</a>.</p><h4>How do you match us with an engaged couple?</h4><p>There are a variety of factors involved in the matching process. We try to align schedules, look at locations, and consider life experiences. For example, if your situation involves a step-family, we’ll try to match you with a engaged couple that will be blending their families.</p><h4>Where do we meet?</h4><p>Most couples meet in the mentors’ home.</p><h4>How much does it cost?</h4><p>The $170 registration fee includes two workbooks, the Prepare-Enrich assessment,&nbsp;<em>The 5 Love Languages</em>&nbsp;book, and eight sessions with a mentor couple.</p><h4>How many sessions are there, and how long are they?</h4><p>There are eight sessions, and they can last anywhere from one to two hours, depending on the needs of the couple.</p><h4>What if we discover something in mentoring that is beyond our ability to help?</h4><p>There might be a time that you have a couple that needs more help than you are able to give. Some of these areas might include unprocessed past abuse, addiction or mental health issues. Please contact the Two to One staff at your church to discuss the possibility of professional counseling for your couple.&nbsp;</p>

<h3>The Matching Process</h3><p>Please fill out this short survey about your life experiences to help us with the matching process. <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://forms.gle/KZfpjLYgN6Rw7TYi8">Mentor Life Experiences</a></p>

Session Six: Logistics (5 min)

<p>Once you have completed all sections of the digital training, you will be ready to join us for the in-person training session. During this 90-minute session, you and your spouse, our Two to One staff, and other new mentors will discuss what you learned during the digital training. Additionally, you'll learn more about the:</p><ul><li><p>Prepare-Enrich Inventory</p></li><li><p>Two to One leader guide</p></li><li><p>Leader website</p></li><li><p>Administration database</p></li></ul><p>The Two to One coordinator at your church will let you know when the next in-person training will be offered.</p><p>After you have completed the digital and in-person training, you will go through an apprenticeship. We will connect you with a veteran mentor couple. You'll observe this couple as they mentor an engaged couple through all eight sessions of the program. This is where you'll be able to interact with and learn the curriculum. Once you've completed your apprenticeship, you'll be prepared and equipped for your first Two to One couple!&nbsp;</p>

Do you have any questions about the Two to One experience or about becoming a mentor couple that we can address in the next part of the training?

WC Two to One New Mentor Training

Session Four: A Sample Couple (30 min)

Two to One Questionnaire

Please read Kevin's questionnaire and answer the questions that follow.

Kevin's Questionnaire

Please read Kim's questionnaire and answer the questions that follow.

Kim's Questionnaire PDF